I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I could have mohawked her pubes.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
