can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
He felt like a one man threesome
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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