she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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