She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
