i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
