Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
