all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I cut my penus on the lid.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
