Please, let me fuck your mom
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
