Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
