I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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