I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
