i may or may not be watching the land before time
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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