I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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