I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I want to be your penis for a week.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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