i may or may not be watching the land before time
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
