Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I need water and some morals
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
