sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
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But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
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The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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