sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
