I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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