I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
