We got so high we made milksteak
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
this hospital has no fireball
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
