God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
