Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
My cat gives me a boner
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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