I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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