there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
