the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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