So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Quick, to the slutcave!
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
