My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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