Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.