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my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Princesses don't give blow jobs
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
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