Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
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I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
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you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.