is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon