I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
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