yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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