i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
