I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
