so explain again why im purple
no
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
