Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Randomize
