I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
