i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
