Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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