I looked at my own cervix.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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