Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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