maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
