If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize