id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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