just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
