I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
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i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
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I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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