Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
