I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I am one with the molecules
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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