Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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