You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
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This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
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This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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