Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
