i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
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