Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
