I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
