you would pick up someone in the library
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
