i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
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I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
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um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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