Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
