it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize