I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
