I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
