I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
