My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
