My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
