It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
