textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize