I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
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I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
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She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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