I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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