haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
