his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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