unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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