Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
