You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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