An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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