Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
