So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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