what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
