tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
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