Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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