Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
